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My life, My journey


Oct. 25th, 2007 08:57 am great saying

I love a good saying - found this one:

Everyone wants to be on the top of the mountain, but all the action occurs while climbing to the top.

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Jul. 10th, 2007 05:21 pm Happy Birthday

Happiest birthay ever lovelilissa_red!!!!

Current Mood: happyhappy

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May. 24th, 2007 06:48 pm Happy day-late Birthday!

Hey there 0x678

I hope all of your birhtday wishes come true!!!!

May this one be the happiest yet!

Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful

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May. 24th, 2007 06:45 pm Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday pescana

I'd say I hope your birthday wish comes true... but I was there when you blew out a candle... and I am pretty sure B and I guessed your wish... and I am pretty sure it's come true - have fun with it! ;-)

Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful

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May. 12th, 2007 08:51 pm Exhausted

Work is too much. I tried for a while to pretend that I didn't need to work more than 55 hours a week... but so not true. I need to put in the extra hours to stay on top of everything. And I guess for the short time that is ok... because I have a plan! I need to put in my hours... get my cert, move on. That is my plan.

In the mean time, I need to kick butt and just get the job done. This is hard, because I need to get people to work more hours than is reasonable. How do I get people to work those hours when I think the hours I am working are wrong? Ahem... HG, stick to plan! Ok, in the meantime, I get so tired, that most Saturdays, I cant move. I dont want to move. Last week, allergies killed me and kept me in bed... this week... well fatigue... and now, its to late to go out, and I to late to start working... maybe the meantime is supposed to be for my recoup - and I need to stop thinking I can do anything before Saturday evenings...

ok, enough crying about work and fatigue. Tomorrow will be better. It has to be. And Friday was actually good... It seemed like it was a day of old friends... I ran into some friends from Cali, and I went to lunch with user, and later had run into some friends downtown before I left work... I do believe, its starting to feel like home around here.

Current Mood: tiredtired

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May. 8th, 2007 10:39 pm So much to talk about

So much has happended... it always seems that way... but its all good - for the most part anyway.

Work: Is crazy. My boss and some teammates were in town last week. And yet, you would think new boss, so much going on - some team building event would take place - yes? Oh most definately not. Lot's of meetings... lots of explaing and re-explaining how and why we do things a certain way... and lots of new procedures and many, many new reporting procedures. So much more administrative work, I wonder when do we really get to do our work? Oh my... but the good thing? I realized everyone is feeling as I do - well, that is not a good thing, but its a good thing to know I am not alone. It's a goot thing to realize I am not the only one who is feeling like they are always failing... ya, not a good thing, and something that could easily be cured by some team building thing... lunch, dinner - something - but nope - nothing... oh well... I have come to the conclusion that this job is a tool... its a tool for me to get my experience and move on. Once I have the experience, I can get my certs, and be on my merry way. And in the mean time, I at least understand the situation better. And I really think my office mate is one of the coolest people I have worked directly with in a very long time.

Personal... where to start? tonight... normal Tuesday night with the girls was cancelled... we went to celebrate with Heather at her book release party for her new book, S.E.X. She is a very cool person. And she is doing work that I respect, and admire... which made celebrating with her that much more fun. It was a pretty electic crowd. And I ended up talking to this couple that I thought was pretty cool. At first, they seemed kind of exclusive... just sticking to each other. And then I reaized, they are really just into each other. Another word other than "cool" escapes me. But the way they just looked at each other gave me hope. They were really sweet together. And they are going to have another baby... 3 teenage daughters, and a new born to come. Sweet. We started talking about Pilates... and they live in Bellingham, but come to UVillage for their classes because of the particular instructor. I was actually intrigued. Maybe I will check it out. Well, it is on the list now.

I also got a chance to speak to pescana's friend Nan. It seems odd, even though we have hung out before, I don't think we actually ever really talked about anything. And then she asked me about my half marathon and training... and she had a lot of great pointers. I knew she had done Iron Man's but, I didn't know she had ever done marathons - turns out she had done full's. She also told me some lore about some women runners... it wasnt until 1984 that females could do full marathons competively! Oh my!!! It definately made me happy that I broke down and got some Claritan. Thanks for the advice royt_resha. I was struggling all weekend, with the worst allergies, and was trying to treat it holistically, but that was just not working for me. And I missed out on my weekend training... so, I broke down and took some meds, and what do you know, it worked!

My ex is still my ex-ass... my 90 days are almost up - at the end of this month, and it is not looking good for making it officially legal so quickly. Even his attorney is being difficult. Ugh - oh well, I just get to read the letters that being sent... I don't really have any contact, so yea.

I tried match.com for a month... I don't think I am ready. I did meet one person - but mostly we just email. We met once for coffee.. but I don't think he is actually ready either... and there seems to be a lot of drama around it. And the fact that I don't care, well, that is telling. I am pretty content to focus on work and training and some fun with friends.

Oh, and the biggest news... drum roll please... ty, I talked to my parents. Yup, I called them. And I had this very nice little conversation with them. I told them that I realized I could not hold them responsible and I could not get upset if they chose not to get involved. But I could make my choices. And my choices were not to put myself in the position to be verbally assaulted by anyone. Including my dear brother. I asked that they respect my boundaries. I asked that they support him not flipping out. I asked that they interfere when he misbehaves. I asked that they not listen to him bashing me in front of my neices, all the while stating that it was my choice to ask, and their choice to support me or not to. Either way, I would do what it took to support my mental well being. And they were suprisingly receptive. I told them that if my boundaries were crossed, either they would say something, or I would leave. They understood. My mom alluded to me "punishing" them. I explained that taking care of myself is not a punishment to them. It's respecting my own boundaries. My dad said that he flips out on them all the time. In fact, he said, that he turn 180 degrees in an instant. And I just explained that is not acceptable. I cannot handle that kind of volatility. And they UNDERSTODD! Oh my! So, yea, it worked out after all. I knew it would, I just needed time and space... and I think they did too. And giving myself that time and space allowed me to approach it rationally. YEA! I did sent my mother a very nice crystal rose bowl for Mothers Day... I always give her crystal for mothers day. So, I know she will like it. She lost all of hers in the 94 quake... that is how that got started. And a rose bowl seemed like a good idea, for her new brown kitchen... nah, really, my dad still brings roses from the garden in for her, and she usually uses a dish... now, she can have something special. I was suprised the conversation went as well as it did. Maybe I am growing... maybe I have really learned my boundaries. Maybe I have just figured out how to stand up for myself. Either way, it was nice. Stressful, but nice.... that was Sunday... and it's Tuesday and the night out really but a "bow" on the gift that was that conversation.

Maybe it will get better with my brother too... then again, that is what Mark My Words says is the best and worst thing about me... my hope that my brother will stop being a jerk, and will actually be nice. Well, he is my brother. And I do have hope... but not for anytime soon. Time will tell. And in the mean time, even my dad says, that although he cant stop my bro from speaking ill of me, the girls already know. And that is cool. Truth always comes out.

Whew, that is all... well, Mark My Words is not his real name... but that is another story ;-)

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful

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May. 1st, 2007 10:37 pm Tuesday yumminess

Well, Girls Night was fun! Lot's of garlic, lots of food, yummy beverages... and all sort of good company.

Natty had her friends visiting too... so much activity for a Tuesday! It was awesome.

I am full.
I am happy.
I am content.
I am at peace.

Yea.

Current Mood: fullfull

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Apr. 30th, 2007 01:51 pm UGH

Everyone who I can chat with regarding my drama is away from their keyboard; or busy!

#1 - My father called to ask if he could cash a check that I had left for him. And then asked me how I was. I just said fine. And then he asked about the divorce. And that's where I lost it. I told him he had no right to ask. Much conversation ensued... but basically it came down to him telling me that my anger was out of control. And me saying, that it wasn't, I was just not going to put myself in a situation where I am not loved, respected and supported. End of story. He kept trying to put the ball in my court telling me that I should call when my anger subsides. News flash: Just because I am fighting back tears and you can hear my voice cracking, doesn't mean I am angry. It doesn't mean I have anger issues. It means I have emotions. It means I am human. And so, I just threw it back in his lap and told him he could cash the check, but when he was ready to love, support and respect me, he could call back. UGH! I just want to start bawling! But I cant, I am at work.. Bah! So, I am sure he wont tell my mother about the call - do I follow it up with an email - so she knows? If I do, and I get no response, then she will at least understand why she is is not getting a mother's day acknowledgment. And if I don't... well... then I am sticking to my word of leaving the ball in their court. But following it up with an email is always "proof." Or am I applying my work lessons to life too much? But isn't that what we are supposed to do? Learn and implement? Help!

#2 - A little happier note: I am trying to decide if I want to fly into SF or into Oak for the marathon in October. I got a great room... and now the flying decision... the last time I went to SF, I went with the FM,SC-SOB, LWoS (aka the ex-ass) and we flew into Oak... and of course he got his panties in a bunch, and so he fought with me for god knows what reason for hours... it took me leaving him there before he came to catch up in SF... what a waste! back to the decision... I can fly into Oak, and re-claim that space (and probably coordinate with pescana to fly in together) or I can just fly into SF... bonus is SF is closer to the hotel... and I wont have to fly our of Oak by myself.... anyone have any thoughts?

Oh, a glass of wine at home is beckoning!

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Apr. 28th, 2007 10:37 am Pics from Cannon Beach



Doesn't she look like a Diva?





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Apr. 22nd, 2007 08:43 pm A Happy Adventure to Remember

The short story:

I couldn’t' find the MAC store even though it was right in front of me;
I got a new speaker thingie for my IPOD - which is one of the reasons my trunk was FULL before I even left home;
I felt the hair in my wind (yes, that’s it, I did not mistype);
The room locks tested very successfully;
A new beverage was born;
Natty ran wild and flirted with all the boys on the beach;
A Jacuzzi dip two times in one evening can leave one wanting even more;
The swing set has proven yet again how much fun they are;
Natty got a diamond necklace; a new sweater; but hated the sunglasses;
Another Jacuzzi dip proved better than the first two;
Oregon makes some yummy wine;
A midnight heart to heart was... well. heart warming;
Bad PU's don’t raise bad kids; they raise stampeding herds of elephants;
My trunk grew (it had hidden space I never knew it could create);
100 km/h is not 100 mph

And I swear I was not driving 100mph! No… I wasn’t… but when I was trying to set the trip odometer, I accidentally switched it to km/h… and then I thought my speedometer was broken… after about 45 minutes to an hour of tenseness... and trying to reach people who could advise us… I realized it was km/h not mph! On the plus side, and least the car wasn’t broken!

Whew; I do believe that is it! All in all I had the best time ever! It was truly an adventure. I can’t believe it was only 3 days... I feel rested and tired enough for it to have been a week! And maybe not as alone as I did before I left... I have a great friend in pescana!

Want details? Ask...

Current Mood: happyhappy

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